A Psychic Surfboard of Many Colors

Back in late August of 2021 I arose from a dream and into a liminal state where I was informed that I was going to start dreaming:

"Every single night."

This turned out to be roughly 95% true but it wasn't until nearly a year and half later that I started documenting the phenomenon. This is that, so ride on tripsters.

2/7/2023 -

In a follow up to last night's hypnagogic bombardment, this time I'm shown a bunch of vibrant kaleidoscopic TV screens that represent worlds I've incarnated into. There is still a bit of code tweaking that has to take place before the boundless infinitude of my imaginal persona can be confined within the story telling confines of these particular programs but not that much. Not like the creepy black and white world I'm currently in.

The message is fairly clear. Starring in these cosmic films is something that I not only often do, but also mostly enjoy. It was just this shitty film that I had reservations about and for good reason. How I got talked into appearing here is still a bit of a mystery but again, I get the impression I was a part of a team and got outvoted. I was the lone dissenting voice and not only was I not onboard, I was very much opposed to being involved. I hope the eventual heavenly paycheck is worth the embarrassment associated with sinking this low.

Later in the night I find myself called to help with some errand on behalf of my mom. My wife and I show up at this rather non-descript white house with green window casings in a nice neighborhood and realize we're supposed to be helping a divorced couple who still live together. The wife has moved on, is now gay and has a girlfriend but the couple still live together, which is a bit different. What are we supposed to be doing here? No idea.

As we enter and exchange pleasantries I notice a black leather jacket sitting around and inquire about it. They offer to give it to me because it's never worn anymore and I'm like, sure, and put it on. What did they need help with? It's still unclear but at one point it involves us lifting this table. Not moving it mind you, but lifting it so they can do something while we're holding it in the air. Except that we hold it up for a bit and they do nothing as far as we can tell. But according to them, they did.

In the course of holding up this table the former wife's new girlfriend enters the room and holy crap is she an absolute smoke show. Thin with short black hair, seemingly at least a decade younger than the couple and covered in tattoos. I'm now starting to understand why the woman went gay, outside of the myriad of other reasons that make perfect logical sense of course. The guy is your prototypical OK looking middle aged balding dork. He's got a ton of issues of Rolling Stone lying around and he's like:

"I see you eyeing those, feel free to read some if you want."

I tell him that I have an uncle who obsessively collects Rolling Stone so I've probably already read most of them. This is true. My wife's uncle always has Rolling Stone around when we go over for dinner. What's funny is that at some point I catch a glimpse of myself in the leather jacket and it's not a good fit at all. Now I'm in the awkward position of wanting to "accidentally" leave it there when I'm done to avoid taking it to the thrift store. It's also the exact type of late 90's leather jacket that I had just seen Ross wearing in an episode of Friends my wife was watching. My exact comment was:

"Wow, that style of jacket hasn't been seen since like 2004 or so."

It hasn't, and yet here's it's showing up in my dream life. And that was it. That was the dream. The next thing I know I'm at the bottom of a large indoor wooden staircase. My wife is roughly a 3rd of the way down and I'm encouraging her when suddenly a motorcycle jumps from the top all the way to bottom without hitting a stair. Both of us are impressed. Like, damn, somehow his wheels were like an inch away from every single step, like he was hovering above them. We're watching the replay in our mind's eye now in slow motion.

As I pull out of the dream I'm told he was a:

"Daredevil"

The metaphor of descending into the lower realms as a form of amusement is not lost on me, in fact, I've been shown how this is a thing that some astral entities do for fun, although I still can't say I understand it entirely. Not in this backwards realm anyway.

2/8/2023 -

As I'm falling asleep I have this vision. It's ET's magic powers finger illuminated red at the tip and he's controlling...heterosexual people getting it on (ET from the Spielberg film). I mean, that's about as succinct a metaphor for sex magick as I can conjure. There's a pretty huge different between aliens from other planets and entities that created us and have been guiding our evolution from the jump. Where do people come from? Fucking as it turns out. Who knew?

Not long after my entire experience becomes this super old school Atari style platforming game. It's almost like Donkey Kong except that rather than trying to ascend to the top, you're a mega church pastor who's trying to get to the bottom. In attempting to sink to these depths there are many difficult obstacles this preacher hero has to navigate successfully. Again with the incredibly succinct metaphors. I will say that the mega church pastor theme wasn't entirely random as I was watching The Righteous Gemstones while working out earlier in the night. In fact, the protagonist in this video game was presented as Adam Devine.

What else? Later I'm yet again on vacation with my family. We're in this semi-swanky old style hotel that in thinking about it, actually reminds of the White Salmon Inn, where I have stayed a few times over the years when my grandparents were still alive and living in Washington state. So I'm wandering around this hotel and eventually I find myself in this dark pocket dimension area. There's a faint light off in the distance but everything is so peculiar about the situation that I've now gone lucid. I realize that I can now control the dream, but I'm also sort of in this astral black hole so I'm not sure how much I can really do. I try flying around but that quickly goes nowhere.

I'm now back in the hotel and no longer lucid. My family are all going downstairs to grab some food at the hotel restaurant and I'm like:

"Hey, wait up!"

I go to catch them as they're walking downstairs but realize I've accidentally left my hotel room's door open and I left the stereo on which is spewing guitar noise.

"Jesus that's loud"

I think to myself and also:

"Those are some sick feedback squalls!"

2/9/2023 -

I'm having a conversation with my brother about how I like Tool but find Maynard James Keenan's vocals increasingly annoying as I've gotten older. I must confess that this is entirely true in the waking world and I've barely listened to that band for at least the last 15 years. And don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "Fuck Tool!" people, in fact I was an enormous fan at one point in my life and will totes defend them for writing songs about esoteric spirituality (and catching mad shit for it in rich kid trendsetter circles I might point out).

Seems like a random thing to be dreaming about but it's actually something I've been considering lately. Since as it turns out I did in fact have a fairly severe mood disorder, was growing up in the 90's when super angry dude music was all the rage actually a good thing for me? The questioning consumerism part of that equation? Absolutely. The embracing your inner rage thing? Probably not great for a dude who's endocrine system was completely fucked as it turned out. I don't really think I needed anything making me more depressed, angry, or irritable. That was enough. God, then I played in a super angry band for years in the early 2000's. I only find that semi-embarrassing in retrospect. There's a fine line between catharsis and just, you know, making everything worse.

What's next? Now I'm going to play some sort of sport with a few non-specified friends. As I'm heading to the field I realize that cutting through my old apartment would be quicker. This obviously makes no sense but as I enter the old house I used to live in through the back and enter my old basement apartment, I realize there's now a tenant living there, which is new in my dream life. She's a short blonde girl and I apologize profusely. Like, sorry, I used to live here and I still have a key and stop by sometimes. I didn't know there was a new tenant. She's surprisingly understanding despite it being such a creepy situation and I swear it will never happen again.

Except that pretty much immediately after this I'm now hanging in the apartment with the two burly guys I was supposed to be balling with. Apparently not enough people showed up to play so we've stopped to contemplate the next move. But I'm like, wait a minute, there's a girl who lives here now. We shouldn't be here. As we leave she's in the hallway and I'm like:

"Uhhh, sorry. Remember that thing I said would never happen again. Well, not after this time."

As we walk out I'm looking at the old place and realize my old landlord is doing a massive renovation project to expand it, which is pretty common with what's going on in Seattle real estate these days. Except that it's all planned out by her putting a ton of furniture outside in the yard where it will be when the renovation is done, and there are white sheets draped all over it. It looks like a child's fort. My wife is now next to me and opines that she wishes we would have had the money to buy the place back in the day and I'm not sure I agree with her.

I wake up briefly and now I'm back under, back in the old basement apartment again with the 2 burly dudes but this time Ilhan Omar is now the new tenant. Except that she's much younger and here's the kicker, has an absolutely killer rack that's prominently on display through the super tight sweater that she's wearing. We're all chatting with her and the absurdity of the situation makes me go semi-lucid. I know that I'm dreaming but also have zero memory of my waking self. With this lucidity I'm now like:

"Okay, so I would never do this in "real life" but I'm dreaming so c'mon, I mean, we all want to see your tits."

She shows us and they are in fact fantastic although I know this is the wrong answer (just like it is in the skin world) and because of that the dream ends. If you were to ask me to come up with the most random thing I could possibly be dreaming about, big titty Ilhan Omar living in my old shitty basement apartment would probably be it.

Then right before I wake up I'm once again having a conversation about how my taste in music has radically changed with my brother. I'm pointing out to him that he doesn't like anything without dynamic vocals and that a lot of people do. It's just a matter of taste. Again there's some real life pertinence. Growing up in the 90's it was all about the charismatic lead singer and I dismissed a lot of bands that didn't have that going. As I've gotten older I've found that I honestly dig monotone vocals in a lot of situations. There is a lot of overlap but in general, the 90's music I liked in the 90's is quite a bit different than the 90's music I like today.

In an oddly synchronous tie in, after I get up I'm looking at Twitter and a music critic I like recommends an album by a new band called JAAW. Except that when I look it up, they're actually a super group with vocals from Andy Cairns of the 90's band Therapy? (not a typo the question mark was a part of the band's name). They're another group that I loved back in the day but have a hard time stomaching in the year 2023 if I'm being honest. As for JAAW. There's only one song up currently but it seems that Andy's dropping the melodicism for this project and singing more monotone, which I dig. Trippy.

2/10/2023 -

I'd been watching The Righteous Gemstones and because of that I have this liminal vision:

I'm Eli Gemstone and I'm in my gigantic office/man cave. It has all white walls and an elevated area encircled with tons of modern windows. The sun is beaming in and I'm in this elevated area contemplating this week's sermon while there are some people going about unspecified church business below me. All of a sudden I have a vision of my prized sparkling white surf board in my mind's eye and the second I start contemplating it, this guy below starts spray painting it, which obviously infuriates me.

"What the fuck are you doing? You can't just vandalize my shit right in front of me!"

All of the other workers stop him and we're baffled by his brazenness. As I'm trying to hold back my rage I realize something important though.

"Wait a minute. You know what? Paint the whole goddamn thing!"

He does and it's freaking amazing. I now own a sparkling psychic surfboard of many colors. That's it, but what's so fascinating about this tiny liminal vignette is that I could in fact write an entire sermon covering its themes quite easily. How religion needs to adapt to psychedelics? Accept gay and trans people? How we need to learn to embrace change? How other people might have better ideas about your own work, or projects, or possessions than you do? Being bold and taking risks? It could go in any and all of those directions.

2/11/2023 -

I'm doing my typical lost on the astral plane thing and this time I'm wandering around the north Greenwood/Broadview area. There are 2 things I'm trying accomplish. I'm trying to get home and I also want to pick up food at this convenience store. I can't accomplish either of these things for unknown reasons and so I just keep wandering around aimlessly.

There's nothing really surreal about the environment at all other than the fact that on a couple of occasions I see these very large untethered animal balloons floating away into the sky. So just these large balloons with the images of a particular animal on the side. I do not remember which animals they are at all, except that I believe one was a type of lion. I'm not entirely confident in that answer. At one point I stop to stare at one of these things and the thought that immediately occurs to me on an internal level is:

"I wonder if that represents a species of creature that's been wiped off the face of the waking world earth by humanity's incompetence."

The strangeness of this thought sort of makes me suspect that I'm dreaming but I don't fully connect the dots. And so the meandering through non-descript north Seattle neighborhoods continues. Day becomes night and out of nowhere I'm possessed with this strange urge to go into this random back yard of this rather upscale house. So I take a hard right off the sidewalk and am now baffled.

"I shouldn't be here. This is a private residence. Why the fuck did I even do that?"

I think to myself but before I have time to contemplate my own actions I look backwards and up and like15 of the huge animal balloons burst into the sky untethered simultaneously. I stare up in awe. If I wouldn't have done the most bizarrely irrational and absurd impulse driven action imaginable, I never would have seen this and for some reason there is a strange beauty in it. I don't think anyone would even believe me so I take out my dream phone to get some videos, but I know the eerie gorgeousness isn't going to translate on my phone.

I'm now back in liminal states and know my initial suspicion about the ominous nature of the omen was on point. There's a feeling. We're heading into some increasingly fucked up times and I love the metaphor. Your modern urban lifestyles are what's causing this. It definitely felt like another homelessness psi bleed through dream as well. I've been getting an increasing amount of that.

In this next vignette I'm at a dinner party with this huge upscale table with that fits like 15 people. My wife is sitting across from me and there's this other blonde woman sitting next to me chatting me up. None of this seems strange at all until I'm hanging out with my wife later. She is big mad at this woman and I don't even understand why. Our conversation seemed pretty innocuous.

"She knew I was pissed at you and that's why she was chatting you up."

She insists. I, uhhh, Ok then.

2/12/2023 -

I keep waking up to my wife's interior design improvements to our old apartment. Continually "waking up" into other dream states is always a mind bending experience and this is no different. Honestly as disorienting as it is, there's also a sensation of supreme calm and my wife's renovations are in fact amazing. But there's a problem, which is?

We moved years ago to a much nicer place. Why the fuck are we still here? I mean, everything you're doing is great, it's just, well, none of this makes any sense. Eventually my wife goes to work and I have to work from home. Except that after a while, I have no idea why I'm working from home here. I'm going to go to our townhouse and work from there because I have a much more comfortable office there.

And so I head back and everything's going normal for a while until John Goodman show's up playing Sherlock Holmes. He's got a whole entourage with him and we're going to go back to the old basement apartment to figure out what the hell's going on with that whole deal. But as we're searching for clues I realize how strange the situation actually is. Who are these little people in Sherlock Holmes' entourage? The more I'm taking note, the more I'm realizing they look like faeries. A lot of them are fairly small and some even have wings.

As I'm contemplating this, the great detective explains to me that most of these entities exist in the astral plane but don't ever incarnate into the what we consider the human realm. The dream ends shortly after this revelation, leaving a much greater mystery than was ever resolved. I must confess, I'm now more intrigued by this than ever. The whole being back in my old apartment recurring dream has something to do with the astral plane and faerie entities that don't incarnate as humans? I should probably do some magick to glean more information on this specifically. Maybe writing this down like I am will remind me.

What else, the only other thing to note here is that at some point while working from home I have this contemplative moment where my anxiety about my current work situation is encapsulated quite succinctly in this little vignette. I'm going to the bathroom, looking at myself looking in the mirror from a 3rd person perspective and noticing all my new grey hairs while the song Time by Pink Floyd kicks in. The important thing here is feeling, and the anxiety I feel about getting older and having never put much effort into my career takes over my entire experience. As I'm meditating the next morning I'm told:

"Maybe you should like, actually put some work into it."

They've been telling me this for a while and honestly, my health is now at the point where I'm finally actually capable of following through with this.

2/13/2023 -

I'm flying around downtown Seattle and I run into this odd vein of living energy. It's this almost electrical seeming source of radiating untapped potentiality. There's an unseen narrative lurking beneath the surface that's just waiting to be unleashed into the waking reality of the city streets and of course it's pulsing through this crazy party environment. As a matter of fact, I've been dreaming about this crack in reality quite a bit and there's always this much younger dude who's found it before me, always hanging out at a party baffled and intrigued by what he's discovered.

He's a taller white guy with messy almost poofy Sideshow Bob style light brown hair. Always sloppily dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Typically I'm trying to connect with him in some way but here he seems me and engages me directly.

"You? You're seeing this? I've been running into this for a while but I don't know what to do with it. You have the ability to harness this crazy shit and make it do what it's supposed to do in a way that I don't."

Okay I tell him. I'll see what I can do. And with that I focus my energy and cause the strangeness to spread. What's interesting about this is that really all I'm doing is moving it. It is not my energy so I'm just sort of conducting it so an increasing amount flows into the city, largely into the Denny/South Lake Union area, which is weirdly specific. I'm taking it from an imperceptible level of potentiality and turning into waking world reality. And what does this do? Creates a massive block party as far as I can tell and I am causing this party to rage harder and harder and spread wider and wider. But I can still see the living energy underlying it all. I'm just creating the circuits the voltage can then flow through.

It's pretty funny though because basically it's like I'm like a frat commander or some shit. I am the party king and I'm raging with everyone else. At one point I go outside shirtless and am just yelling at random people who are going super large on the rooftops and spilling out of their apartments. I yell:

"Paaaaarty!"

And they respond:

"Fuck yeah! Paaaaaaaarty, brah!"

That's the vibe and I see that the kid who discovered this vein before me is at one of these astral keggers, so I stop up for a visit and a status check. He seems to be really enjoying himself but also tells me he got into some trouble for trying to fuck his roommates' girlfriend. He thought she should have sex with him because she's been staying with them for free for so long without really contributing anything. My reaction to this is:

"Ass, cash, or grass. No one rides for free, eh?"

I'm joking but I then remember there was a hilarious song by a band called The Keeper that had a chorus with a similar refrain and I start singing it to the crowded party as a call back just like they did back in the day.

"Ass! Cash! or Grass!"

I yell. And they respond:

"No one rides for free!"

And with this I wake up, minorly creeped out by the sentiment if I'm being honest. Although, I suppose that's why the kid needed me to supercharge the electrical vibes in the first place. He was too weak.

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