12/3/2023 -
I'm out partying at some club where my ex girlfriend shows up. We get increasingly drunk and I invite her and this tall full bodied woman with dark shoulder length hair back to my place for a night cap. This leads to me having drunken sex with my ex and whereas sex typically sort of blacks out my dream states, here it doesn't, although as per usual the feeling truly isn't there. In fact, what's communicated is that we're way too drunk so we have mostly emotionless bad sex for about 15 minutes which isn't really satisfying to either one of us. It almost feels grayscale and far too familiar. Ahh, alcohol.
Now I'm waking up at like 6 in the morning realizing that my wife is going to be home very soon so I have to kick my ex out as quickly as possible. This is awkward as hell and I'm not entirely convinced I'm going to get away with it but it seems like I do. Then the other woman comes down the stairs and starts flirting with me. I'd near completely forgotten about her. I apparently led her on the night before and she's utterly clueless that I hooked up with another woman right underneath her nose. Or that I have a wife, who then walks through the door cheerfully. You can see the disappointed look on this woman's face when this happens and I'm giving her the:
"Please get out of here!"
Look when my wife's eyes are averted, which she does and I actually manage to explain that we closed down the bar, had an afterparty here, and the woman slept in the upstairs spare bedroom because she was too drunk to drive home, which my wife buys. All of this is technically true but I'm leaving out the part where the only reason she came over had to do with me leading her on. What's also significant is that when I'm having this conversation with my wife, everything has warped into the past, near when we first started dating back in 2006. This is very intentional and I can feel the change in who I am as person reverting to back then. The druken recklesslness of it all.
This leads me to wake up and contemplate that period of my life in a meditative state for a spell and fair point. Yikes. Of course now I know I was amazingly unbalanced because of an auto-immune disease but still, I was in fact a libidinous drunken mess of a human. As I'm getting back into a sleep state I'm told:
"I did everything I could to take the grease out of the pig."
I suppose my wife did on a fundamental level. As they pointed out a few nights ago, I am sort of a "meathead".
I have crazy intricate dreams for the next several hours even at one point going lucid and that's truly all I recall. There was a point where the alien nature of the dream environment I'd slipped into was over the top in its immediate profundity. I'm staring at this wall made of sentient smoke all pulled together by this black cohesive energy but also radiating outward with the brightest of the inhuman color spectrum. I know that I'm dreaming but it's beyond belief. A far out smoke wall made of pure magick enchantment. This is simply not a thing that most people trapped in monkey suits get the chance to encounter and they should because it's goddamn astounding. The aliens were inside you the whole freaking time.
Also, it should be noted that the next morning while looking for King Crimson live videos on Youtube a suggestion from a channel I'd never watched before came up with a video about the link between fitness bro culture and Naziism. I might have to watch that shit. They've been trying to degrease me if you'll remember. I'm a meathead.
12/4/2023 -
My consciousness becomes consumed with a vision of this mirror like dimension with tightly rippled zen garden manicured sand and all these round white rocks populating the landscape. When I say mirror dimension, I suppose it could be the windowed walls of a fishbowl type cage really.
Anyway, at a point my consciousness sucks into this visionary environment and when it does, the whole thing turns sexual and I'm now in some sort of entanglement with a woman with chin length messy hair wearing a brown bikini.
Now I'm in the classic wood walled school scenario. I'm about to head to my regularly scheduled slate of classes before I realize that:
"Wait. I have no reason to take these classes. Fuck this. I'm out of here."
Now I'm back in our old house in Ohio and I'm hanging out with my brother. In fact, I tell him that I might stay another year in Ohio before I go back to Seattle since I'm working from home. I know he's going back at the end of summer but I might stay for one more year since it doesn't matter where I'm working from. Except when I start contemplating it, something doesn't add up. Summers in Ohio are brutally humid and I don't remember living through a brutally humid summer. Why wouldn't I remember that seeing as it supposedly just happened? The fact that I'm dreaming and this is a common recurring dream scenario is completely lost on me in this situation, although being caged by my sexuality? That all tracks.
Later I actually remember a sober meditation vision. I've filled an enormous condom with farts and I'm going to stand at the bottom of a playground slide waiting for a kid to slide down. Then I'm going to hit the kid with the farts. The ones I've stored in the enormous condom. That's the vision.
12/5/2023 -
I find myself well out of my body floating above it in that familiar state where the obviousness of my temporary residence as a human is profound. In this state I'm like a brightly colored leaf shaped energy being floating in the astral stratosphere and there's a message, which has something to do with my maternal grandmother. Is that where the "crazy" comes from? It's always been a bit of a mystery and I must confess that I know absolutely nothing about that side of the family tree. Family tree. Leaves. Not a hard metaphor to comprehend.
After pulling out of this, waking up, and getting back under the same thing happens again. I'm a psychedelic mind bending energy leaf floating on a distant plane from my corporeal self and this time the message it: stories. This all has to do with writing stories. And yet, our supposed greatest minds think it has to do with math. Lol.
In dreamville a few friends of mine are celebrating my birthday and we're essentially bar hopping around Ballard/Greenwood. Also, Kyrie Irving is with us for unknown reasons. We hit this bahn mi place and the crazy thing is that I have zero conscious recollection of what bahn mi even is, yet when I just looked it up, what I was served in the dream was pretty damn close honestly.
I have this desire to chat with Kyrie due to the sheer novetly factor involved with hanging out with an NBA player and when I do he's obviously quite drunk and just blatantly starts hitting on me, which I'm mildly taken aback by because I wasn't aware that he's gay. But he's laying it on incredibly thick and I'm just politely declining. He tries to give me tickets to come see him when they play the Golden State Warriors in San Francisco and I'm flattered but you know, not gay. Also, if I was gay, I don't think I'd hook up with an anti-vaxxer lunatic. Why the hell is Kyrie Irving hitting on me in my dreams? I genuinely have no idea but I'm sure it's a metaphor for something.
Also, while you're here, do you like psychedelic industrial noise rock? Of course you do!
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