4/14/2023 -
Another variation on the monument at the end of the city dream except that this time there's no monument. The fascinating thing though is that the last time I had this dream I found myself contemplating the metaphor of falling asleep on the bus in a waking state. Was this a critique of my precious slackerdom? That question is answered here as I am very much awake on this bus trip to the edge of the city. I'm am going out of my way to stay alert and pay attention to the route quite intentionally. At one point there's a shopping center that has amusement park rides. I get out of my car and browse around for a bit finding nothing of interest before hopping back on the bus...to the edge. To the edge man.
Same shit. I'm embarking on this adventure and yet I'm well aware that I might not be able to get home easily. The bus goes to this wooded hill out in the burbs but there's no return route. Why? No clue. During this entire excursion I have zero idea why I'm doing this but 2 things are clear. 1: I know getting back to the city might be a problem. 2. I'm taking this trip quite willingly and I don't understand why. I'm doing it for amusement, and yet I also see it as being potentially problematic and so I have no idea why I'm going through with it in the first place. But I am. There's a contradiction and I don't understand my own behavior.
I finally get to the destination near the wooded hilltop. As mentioned though, this time there's no educational monument. It's just a house and I'm hanging out with some unspecified peeps. Wait a minute, my brother showed up at the party. He can give me a ride home, right? Except that when I ask him he can't. Why? He got a ride with his friend and they came in this crazy sci fi experimental 2 seat sports car. He takes me out to the garage to show me the thing and it's bonkers.
The best way I could describe it would be like a tall bike with two parallel seats encased in a sparkly metallic candy coated maude exterior. There are multiple shaded cut out cockpit windows that make it almost look like a stylistic robot face on wheels. Straight out of a Cronenberg film and something that seemingly only exists on the astral plane because it looks cool.
I only mention it because it's by far the most exciting part of the dream, which ends with me walking down the hill to call an Uber.
Honestly? After the 3rd iteration, I think I mostly understand this metaphor. I was in fact pushing us to move out of the city due to my wife's commute. This is something that I was pushing for even though there was in fact nothing in it for me other than my wife not commuting as much. That was legit the only upside and yet I was the one pushing for it. My wife ultimately decided it wasn't happening. I have no control over this really, but I believe if I move out of the city, getting back might be more difficult than I realized and that I'll long to on some level. Something seems to be binding me here. I find it odd that I dream about it as much as I do but I psychogeography seems to be more pertinent a concept than I truly imagined.
4/15/2023 -
I'd call this hyper-lucidity and yet the experience itself was so brief. I don't even remember how this happened but I for some reason find myself in my own surrealist film studio. It isn't large but I have everything I need to make the music/video projects I want. The layout isn't like super over stylized but even from an aesthetic perspective it all looks pretty damn cool, with an almost cave like underground portal room structure. Carpeted walls and shit. Weird secret lair vibes. I love the metaphor with it being literally underground too, but in the course of being very satisfied that I can do whatever I want to creatively here, I don't just go lucid but I go very lucid.
Same thing as with the blossom dream as well, as the lucidity actually floors me a bit. I have to sit there and go:
"Whoa!"
All Bill & Ted style for a minute. Something is different. I am somehow even more aware that I am both dreaming and awake than usual. I'm sitting in this surrealist underground lair and simultaneously lying in bed in the dark with a pug nestled into my armpit. Both of these things are happening at the same time and the intensity is near overwhelming. I very much realize that few people truly achieve this.
These are my exact intuitive thoughts and of course, just like with the blossom lucidity, the point is going lucid in a waking state. That's the thing. Lots of people lucid dream, few go lucid in the skin world but when I do get out of bed, after walking the dogs I come upstairs to eat breakfast. My wife is watching an episode of Law & Order and the second I walk into the room detective Briscoe is making a joke about the super expensive orange juice and bagel at the swank hotel he's being put up at due to a case.
"Holy Shit!"
I was kind of disappointed that I didn't remember any other dreams from the previous night but again, holy shit. I dreamt about waking up in some sort of hotel or resort and drinking exquisitely delicious orange juice at their free breakfast. I was quite surprised that I was excited about this juice and didn't even remember ordering it in the first place but holy fuck. It was goddamn amazing. Up there with the best fresh squeezed OJ ever. It's this semi-swanky first floor hotel lounge with large street facing windows that we're looking out of. The sun is shining in on us through the city and my friends agree. You pretty much come to this joint for the orange juice.
In a waking state the fact that a baffling synchronicity triggered a very specific dream memory from the night before almost doesn't seem acceptable to my "rational" mind. Except, it's not that. It's that the juice tastes so real in my memory that it can't possibly be a dream. Can it? In contemplating it I realize that it absolutely100% is as I have not had really good fresh squeezed orange juice in at least the last 5 years. But that sensation, that pulp. I can still taste it with my mind's tongue like it was yesterday.
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