Back in late August of 2021 I arose from a dream and into a liminal state where I was informed that I was going to start dreaming:
"Every single night."
This turned out to be roughly 95% true but it wasn't until nearly a year and half later that I started documenting the phenomenon. This is that, so ride on tripsters:
2/14/2023 -
I'm pulled out of a dream with the phrase:
"Gunshot wounds through the ceiling."
Not only reverberating through my spirit but also forcefully jerking my head backwards and out of a sleep state. As I wake up I get the distinct vibe that this was a clue as my head was convulsing in the direction of my old basement apartment as if to point. The faerie detective situation from a few nights ago was in fact still perplexing me. I know that place supposedly used to be a crack house, but what the fuck did happen there exactly? When I looked it up, it was built in the 1920's. My sorcery could have been basking in the juices of some very strange energy there for over a decade, which now starts flowing through me.
"Achieve Immortality!"
"Overthrow the Fundamentals of Everything!"
"Huge naps every day!"
What if dreaming did become our greatest focus and pastime collectively. It would in fact overthrow the fundamentals of everything. Now there's this internal understanding that dream life and waking life can essentially be merged, creating immortality. I am not a person, I am a cosmic entity comprised of blue light. As it turns out, all we needed to do to achieve immortality was remember that we were already immortal.
The next morning I wake up with the song Waiting for a Star to Fall almost annoyingly stuck in my head. I go grocery shopping before work and just can't shake the thing.
"Back into my arms in my arms baby yeah!"
Over and over. It's not like I'm super happy about this sitch but right as I'm back home and parking my car this dance track by Mylo comes on KEXP that's entirely based around a sample from Boy Meets Girl. It's basically a dance remix of Waiting for a Star to Fall.
Now, this wouldn't seem like the most compelling synchronicity honestly but the main reason I'm bringing it up is that it fits the exact pattern I was catching when I started increasingly tracking these things due to pandemic boredom. To recap, a lot of these connective tissue experiences seem to happen involving both tech glitches and anti-structural behavior in general. Basically, I'm planning one thing, then something happens that disrupts that plan, then the sync hits.
This involves both of those things. I was going to see Freedy Johnston on the night this happened and because of that fully intended to listen to Can You Fly? on the grocery store trip but my iPod had mysteriously died. There's no reason it should have as I'd charged it recently but there it was, showing dead battery. That's the only reason the sync went down and to hammer home a point, when I took the iPod back inside to charge it again, it now had more than half battery life showing. Also, the space I was planning on parking in had been taken since I'd left so I had to spend like an extra 40 seconds looking for another space. That doesn't happen, I don't catch the Mylo song. So tech glitches and anti-structural behavior, exactly as expected.
2/15/2023 -
I'm wandering around this haunted house level of reality except that it doesn't seem that scary. There are just vague creepy elements hanging around the periphery. Some of the monsters have some pretty cheesy masks if I'm being honest. What's odd is that I know exactly what's going on. I'm in one of the lower realms. The hell realms. I don't know why I'm here but I am and I want to get out. I start looking for some sort of stairway to the heavens but in engaging in this gesture I realize that I'm dreaming and go fully lucid.
But do I remember to start portal jumping like I'm supposed to? To tap into the plot advancing cheat code function? Of course not. I do start manipulating my environment though, everything goes extreme hyper color and here I am again; a living cosmic vortex who's also aware that he's a person lying in the dark with a pug snuggled into his armpit and a chihuahua on his lap. My memory of what happens next unfortunately blacks out fairly quickly from there. I increasingly get the vibe I'm not supposed to remember all of what happens after I start warp/shape shifting in this fashion. More importantly, I was supposed to be portal jumping.
Later in the night I'm getting a lecture, probably from the professor in the astral history class I'm taking. The only thing I remember of this lecture is that at one point he says:
"Way too many people survived in the late 1800's"
Fucking weird but when I looked it up, apparently that is in fact when vaccine science really started to take hold to combat global pandemics. I did not know this consciously at all.
2/16/2023 -
No dreams tonight and if I were to speculate as to why, I stayed up way later than I normally do going to a concert the night before and was still sort of drained. It just didn't feel like I ever hit the proper REM states because of that.
2/17/2023 -
At first in this liminal state I get this humorous transmission.
"Birthday Poutine?"
And with that there's an image of a table with like one of those classic checkered red and white table cloths and this image of a plate of poutine with a bunch of birthday candles flies right up into my field of perception.
"Nah, fuck that! I'd rather have a birthday salad!"
And then a birthday salad replete with the requisite sparkling candles then flies up into my face. I mean, this still sort of sucks but it's better than birthday poutine. I mean, birthday poutine? Ridiculous.
No, that's actually a vision that I had. Later I find myself as a sort of disembodied consciousness. I'm looking down at this what looks like the blueprint view of a high rise condo complex. More like a map in a video game than blueprints, but sort of with that vibe artistically on purpose. In one of the suites there's this woman, who's represented by this solar icon. It's this open yellow circle on top of the white floorplan with energy radiating outwardly from the circle in a large corona. I'm supposed to be connecting with this woman. She's an icon on the game map. Why am I supposed to be connecting with her? She can really help me out with my guitar tone apparently. Word.
Anyway, now I'm immersed in the game rather than looking at the map. I'm going between various condos or apartments or hotel rooms or whatever and chatting with the inhabitants. Except that these conversations become these solar glowing wormholes where I'm perceiving expanding plot structures and sort of diving in and out of them briefly. Potentialities of how these various narratives could play out are being considered and in a weird way, I'm basically just giving relationship advice. Not that I'm really wanting to, but all these people are internet dating and want to regale me with tales of their adventures. I advise as best I can despite not feeling entirely qualified. On the other hand, I can sort of see potential futures radiating outwardly from their proposed courses of action in real time. That might be helpful.
After I've finished chatting up all these people I go into the common area and suddenly there's this woman waiting for me. I'm confused. She isn't one of the people any of the floor's tenants had just told me I should be expecting. What's even odder is that she's visually presented as a thinner version of this woman I haven't seen in like 20 years. So seemingly random but when I thought about my impressions of this woman in a waking state I'd go with: kind of white trashy honestly. Super nice though. She explains that she's here because it' my birthday and I can tell she's trying to look as seductive as possible.
I wake up and do my iPod shuffle thing. The first track that comes up is from and album call The Audio Medium (song name not tagged). The next is a Ween song called Boys Club. Then then Fishbone track Ugly. The music business is sort of an ugly ass boys club isn't it? I'm pretty sure this entire experience was designed to tell me to not sleep with a hooker if at any point in my life someone buys me one for my birthday. Birthday poutine vs. birthday poontang. I've actually been trying to make a poutine/poontang joke for years and have never come up with anything worth a damn. This doesn't help.
Got it though, get a salad instead.
2/18/2023 -
I'm in my grandma's place in the Bay Area and I decide to cut out into a spare room that never actually existed to meditate. The experience of intentionally going into a meditative state gets into this dream within a dream dissociative weirdness pretty quick. My entire perspective becomes this calm black whole and I'm totally fine with that but when I start intuitively spinning around like Wonder Woman for unexplained reasons I start to question things a bit. It feels like something I've done before and yet I have no real memory of this. Also, it's not like I was twirling on legs. There were no legs, I was floating.
And with this, it's like I'm taking off a VR helmet. Yeah, I'm still in a room and I have legs. Okay, back into the portal to spin arms out again. When I hit a sufficient speed I now know I'm dreaming and immersed in this weird video game world. It's like an ice planet type sitch except with glowing brightly colored orbs serving as connector pieces to the platform structures. I start exploring and I'm jumping around 3D platforms just like in a video game. It's all very odd and I'm trying to see what's on the horizon. The answer? Some sort of sentient white mist.
I lose myself in this experience and for the second time in a week realize. Damnit. Portal jumping. Cheat code powers to advance the plot. You remembered neither of those things and I'm fairly sure that's why I lost control.
Later in the night the payoff comes though. I'd been contemplating how watching Infinity Pool hadn't given me any odd dreams yet and here it is. I'm now in a disembodied state and the spinning thing I was doing was seemingly me going through the create-a-character interface for designing characters that would then incarnate into particular worlds. I'm looking at this stylized blue print type layout and being shown how I got a few things wrong with specs for that particular reality, which mainly had to do with the outfits I chose. They're mostly right but could use some minor tweaks. Outfits gotta be on point. I understand now.
2/19/2023 -
I'm leading a small group of students/practitioners through a basic self improvement exercise that I'm going to refer to here as the reflective headshot test. What you're doing with this is taking a headshot of yourself to represent the top 5 aspects of your life in this realm that you're passionate about. Each one is essentially a character you're playing here and the point is that you're supposed to be nourishing all of these aspects of your personality. You're also arranging them in order of importance with the top aspect of your personality at the top and ordered downward from there, then sort of putting them on a display board (or a digital one I suppose). Once this is established you're then supposed to look at the headshot board regularly to make sure each character is getting at least a decent amount of attention.
You'd also want to contemplate whether or not the main character is getting the most screen time/lines etc. So you're thinking of your life as a show and you as the writer to a certain extent. Am I working all of these characters into the story that is your life? If not, you should find more balance. What I personally love is that this has nothing to do with western capitalist society, although it could. It's supposed to be the characters you're most passionate about, and if one of those involved your career, which it would for a lot of people, that'd probably be pretty high on the character board. But that'd only be if you're one of those people who's career is super important to their character.
What an odd thing to be dreaming about and the way I'm dreaming about it is also other worldly. It's like I'm teaching this small group of students in this technique but I'm a disembodied form of consciousness who's reviewing their boards and merging with their non corporeal forms to make sure they're being honest with themselves.
Later I find myself in an Invisible College math class. I don't know why I'm here as I thought I was supposed to be taking history. This is definitely math though and I'm having trouble grasping what the lesson plan is until the teacher unintentionally moves right near my side of the classroom while lecturing. The lesson involves:
"The mathematics of probability."
And there you have it. A direct lesson in sorcery from the realms beyond. If you think of yourself as a collection of your favorite characters and embrace all of those characters, you'll increase the probability of landing in the right situations to hit your mark and nail your lines. I imagine all of this is legit and I might have to give it a whirl myself. Honestly, in simply considering it I'm realizing how I haven't been living up to this ideal at all.
One other thing. I started watching Mr. Show again for the first time in at least 15 years on Friday night as I figured I'd probably finally forgotten half the jokes at this point. Then on Saturday morning, in the course of texting me about video game golf, my brother references Mr. Show quite specifically. I find this mildly trippy at the time but it wasn't until Monday morning that it compounds. As it turns out, the reference that he made was to the very next episode I was slated to watch. There's a minor paper trail on all this but HBO Max doesn't have the greatest viewing history timestamps unfortunately. Here you go:
2/20/2023 -
In this dream, I'm in a psychiatric observation type situation. To hammer home the point I'm actually straightjacketed in your classic padded room with multiple doctors surrounding me giving their assessment. I don't remember much of this but I do remember jarringly exiting the dream with their diagnoses reverberating through my headspace.
"Elements of psychosis combined with a fear of vulnerability."
Hard to argue with the elements of psychosis part of that equation. I've been saying that I'm essentially half schizophrenic forever. The fear of vulnerability part? I uhhh, I mean, I guess so when I think about it. I still don't entirely know what to make of it but back in a liminal state I'm now informed that what's going on with me has been roughly akin to an existential anxiety attack. Again, I'm not sure what to make of this but also, I haven't posted anything on social media in roughly a year so, I, uhhh. My whole thyroid mental instability has been better for roughly six months now but I still haven't done shit to promote anything. Fair point astral psychiatrists.
I'm also shown that my freakout and this anxiety has more to do with my internal knowledge of what's coming for us collectively. I'm told that our entire society is going to break down essentially. Which is why the group I was with all wanted to incarnate here and I didn't. It's why I'm here, to see this ridiculous and glorious spectacle. But it's also a goddamn horror show which isn't my cup of tea at all. I somehow got talked into this bullshit, now I have to try to calm the fuck down and enjoy the absurdity to the best of my abilities. Our society crumbling is a victory not a loss. It was supposed to fail, and fail quite spectacularly. Again, that's why I'm here. It's also why I'm in a padded room freaking out on the other side. As I drift back to sleep I'm left with the fun phrase:
"It might be a cushy prison, but it's still a fucking prison."
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