1/30/2024 –
For most of the night I’m meditating on what’s like a character creation interface in a video game. There is a man floating on his back in a fancy suit and I’m honing his attributes. This is for whatever reason amazingly calming and I wake up repeatedly and end up almost unintentionally slipping back into this exercise because it brings a profound sense of peace. Gotta tweak the attributes of the floating suit man. Gotta get it just right.
Then a lesson about how I really need to focus on practicing magick as I’m the only one who actually understands it. Lots of cool imagery of me controlling dark forces I might mention. Fair point. I could hone my focus and lean into my ritualism more.
Later in the morning I have one dream I remember. Here I’m in the same space listening to my favorite basketball podcast while they’re recording it. This is fun and in addition to the 2 guys recording the podcast there’s another dude just sitting around listening with me in another adjacent room.
Eventually I walk into the room and pose a question in real time.
“Who would you take if you had the first pick in the draft this year?”
The other guy who’s not involved with the podcast perks his ears in because he’s curious. Both of the hosts have no good answer for this question, which isn’t super surprising if you’re following basketball because there isn’t a clear cut favorite for the number 1 pick this year. It’s actually considered an off draft. Since neither of the hosts have an answer they punt the question to me and I’m all:
“I’d take the tall European dude!”
Everyone sort of laughs and I catch shit for it but I elaborate. I mean, how many tall European dudes are there in any given draft these days, but I am getting at a specific prospect:
“No, the tall Euro-dude who’s slated to be a top 10 pick. I’m not remembering his name but that guy.”
They’re all sort of laughing and in truth, even when waking up I realize that I am just making shit up. Is a tall European dude one of the top prospects this year? I have no clue. Time will tell.
1/31/2024 –
In the first scenario it’s like I’ve taken over some sort of business with another dude for unexplained reasons. What’s odd is that I can’t entirely tell what sort of business it is. It honestly seems like a combination of a pizza shop and a convenience store. Regardless, we’re hustling to keep the thing up and running. Eventually we’re wondering whether or not it’s even worth it and this is weird because I seem to be both people, even though I’m not, and I’m having a conversation with myself, even though I’m actually two different peeps.
So I ask myself as another person whether or not what we’re doing it is worthwhile and when I do I’m noticing that a large swath of the store is consumed with rising dough. There are machines in motion churning out lots of fresh dough. I turn to myself as this other person and he answers me by pointing at the line in the front of the store.
“I mean, people seem to love this shit so….”
I see the line and have to concede. I suppose we’re doing it more for them not us.
In the next scenario I’m in class at this semi-fancy first floor school in the downtown area of a city. It’s a sunny day and class has just wrapped up when this woman I had a huge crush on years ago asks me if I want to go see Les Claypool’s new band with her. She’s got a free ticket or something. I’m not a huge Primus or Claypool fan but I’m like:
“Sure. Free show. Why not?”
She then informs me that the show is happening right after class. I was supposed to go to other classes for the rest of the afternoon but I suppose I can blow them off. So we walk over to the venue together and even though I have a huge crush on this woman I’m not thinking this is a date at all. Back in the day I think there was a mutual attraction but we were both in other relationships so nothing was ever going to come of it. As we’re traversing the city streets together though I’m increasingly thinking she’s flirting with me.
Then when we get to the joint it gets even stranger as it’s not a Les Claypool show but rather some sort of strange performance of the first Alien movie. And it’s again, almost in this like convenience store type of environment. Or is it a laundromat? Hard to tell. But as we sit next to each other to enjoy the show it’s becoming increasingly obvious that in her mind there were romantic implications to this excursion. She’s getting very touchy with me and sitting as close as she can. Also, Jesus. That dress. Curves are popping everywhere. It’s entrancing. Just to test the waters I put my hand on her thigh. Rather than resist she leans in closer and her head is on now my shoulder.
Here's the most interesting part of the dream as I now have this moment where I’m legit stunned.
“Holy shit, when I started out this day, I didn’t think in a million years it was going to end up with me cuddling close with this woman I’ve had a crush on forever. This is roughly the last thing in the universe I ever expected to happen on this afternoon.”
The thought that I’m married and so is she is firmly in the back of mind but there is the matter of the movie we’re supposed to be watching. What the fuck is going on with that? It’s like our seats are staring at a wall, but when we look behind us the show is going down and it’s like this participatory thing. There are the translucent phantasmal creatures phasing in and out of the odd venue on the tiled floor and other people are standing up to get a glimpse of them. We follow their lead and the whole scenario continues to be baffling.
It seems like the venue’s dog is eating some of these slowly materializing ectoplasm critters. What the fuck?
2/1/2023 –
Closest thing to a nightmare I’ve had in a long time. I’m at a park (seemingly Discovery Park) with a bunch of other people and we’re letting our dogs play off leash. Eventually we realize that my pug Zeke has vanished. We then remember that my one unreliable coworker was supposed to be watching him, and we have no clue what happened to either her or Zeke. So we go looking and calling out his name but we’re not finding him and it’s not looking great. I’m even discussing how easy it would be to steal a pug because all you’d have to do is give it treats, although of course this is ridiculous in this scenario because who would steal an 11 year old dog? It’s about at this point that I realize that I’m dreaming and I look at the person who’s searching with me and go:
“Yeah, this really sucks but I’m dreaming so I’m just going to wake up.”
Which I then promptly do. The only commentary I really have here is that this type of lucidity is one that I’d never even contemplated much before keeping a daily dream journal i.e. the kind where I dislike the dream scenario so much that I use my lucidity to promptly escape rather than taking control of the dream.
On one occasion I’d even created some sort of astral barrier to prevent myself from doing this, which was particularly odd.
Not long after this I slip into another visionary state. Here I’m looking at a wooden dresser in what seems like a spare room with loose clothes draped all over it. Then the phrase:
“Lorna’s Guide to Escape”
Pops into my mind. I have no idea what this means.
Also, while you're here, do you like psychedelic industrial noise rock? Of course you do!
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