12/30/2023 –
I’m helping with the organization or promotion of this film festival type event at a theater fairly high up on First Hill. I have no idea what the theme of this festival is at all but there’s all this wide puffy yellow, almost like caution tape decorations all around the entrance of the place and it seems like my whole family has been involved in setting it up, along with a bunch of other peeps. I’m out front doing my promo thing for quite a bit, although I don’t remember what any of this entailed exactly.
Then it’s time to go into the show and as I’m waiting in line to head in, I realize I don’t have any tickets. Wasn’t I supposed to be getting into this thing for free on account of the promo work I did? I consult with the Asian guy with shortly cropped hair in jeans and an intentionally dorky brown leather jacket next to me and he agrees that I was supposed to get my free tickets, probably from my Mom. This is where it gets sort of funny because I fully realize that I could just pay and it doesn’t even cost that much but on the other hand: I don’t actually want to see these movies. I’m fine with checking them out if they’re free but I’m not paying my own money to see them.
So I go back outside to see if anyone in my family can hook me up with the free passes but pretty much everyone involved with promotions has already headed in. Well, whatever. As mentioned, I wasn’t super excited about seeing these movies anyway. For whatever reason though, I’m now across the street from the theater in this department store in an I’d say late 60’s style architecture concrete building. Like a Woolworth’s or some shit.
There are a bunch of people there who didn’t want to go to the film festival and this is where we’re gathering for the alternative activity. I don’t get it either but I do catch some of these people’s stuff getting straight up ganked when they’re not looking. The criminals are pretty brazen about it and I’m catching this but seemingly no one else is. I say nothing because I don’t even blame these thieves as they look pretty grizzly. I’m sure they need it more than the people they’re stealing it from.
Anyway, we’re going to head out to walk down the hill into downtown on what seems like a sight seeing/cultural tour or whatever. Maybe we’ll hit some museums. As we start to head out though, I’m at the back of the group and I realize that my shoes got klep’d. Because of this I call ahead to the leaders of the group all:
“Hey, someone stole my shoes so obviously I can’t go on a walk. It’s cool though, just go on ahead without me. I’ll find something else to do.”
Internally I know I didn’t want to go on this walking tour as it is. I’m hanging back but the leaders of the group decide that since I can’t come, no one’s going. I am infuriated about this. It makes no sense. Y’all go have fun. I didn’t want to come as it is really. It’s fine.
But no. They all come back to the place and now we’re in this huge gym type area with roughly 50 people sitting in folding chairs in front of a small black stage. I am incredibly irritated about all of this. Why couldn’t y’all just leave me alone? Everyone is sitting around bored and most of these people are way younger than me. There are these group leader people in front on the stage and they’re trying to come up with an alternative activity, to which I am rolling my eyes the entire time.
I eventually move up from the far back to near the front on the right hand aisle as I seem to keep getting drawn into the conversation. How could I not be I guess, I mean, the only reason everyone’s sitting here bored and looking for something to do has to do with me. I guess in an odd way I’m slightly flattered that these people who are quite a bit younger than me want my insight but I’m also trying to stay out of it as much as possible because I legitimately do not want to be involved.
After some discussion, what they come up with as an activity is this odd circular metallic contraption that seems to use the weight of one person to launch the other in the air. From a design standpoint, it looks inspired by Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man to an extent. They set this up right by me and they’ve also set up a camera quite high up on the other side to properly capture the spectacle.
“Oh brother.”
I think to myself as the dream fades.
In a hypnagogic state I’m quite bluntly told to:
“Move!”
Lord only knows how much longer I’ll be in Seattle, what’s weird though is that I have no idea where else I’d go. One other thing, the entire vibe of that second dream was quite reminiscent of some odd memories of going on outings with the Seattle Boys & Girls club when I was a kid. As far as my memories go, those are some deep deep cuts.
12/31/2023 –
Hypnagogic projected visions of all these tunnel portal entrances. They’re showing me all the prototypical entrances to tunnels through the human realm that correspond with what we typically conceptualize as common mental illnesses. These all look like circular portals that are intentionally distorted in a way that the entry way is bent in a couple places. One side of the entranceway still connects with the other but in a bent circle. There’s a red energy around the rim as well with these black almost sun spots on the sides, with odd sparkly cosmic lightning energy coursing through what I can see of the tunnel.
What I’m contemplating is how much easier it’d be if my Mom conformed to one of these known templates. But she doesn’t. She’s a different kind of crazy and I’m told that this is her:
“Playing style.”
It’s an unconventional style and one that begat the supremely odd neurodivergence that is me. I suppose it’s my playing style too, but in a vastly different way. One wouldn’t exist without the other.
This eventually leads to me slipping into a dream where myself and this other woman with cleanly cut dirty blonde hair cropped to her shoulders are trying to initiate an orgy. Why? No clue. In fact, I can only see my co-conspirator from behind and it’s like she’s drawn in a light hearted comic book style. There are roughly 4 or 5 other people we’re trying to coax into this thing, including my wife, and we eventually get them to bite.
After awkwardly initiating the proceedings my wife is making out with this other woman with long curly tied up purple hair that I also only see from behind. Next to me, this other woman I for some reason have zero recollection of has started making out with the most reluctant participant. She’s this pretty seemingly mid 30’s I’d guess half Latino woman with densely curled hair. At this point I’m sort of laying under the woman who’s making out with my wife and the unknown woman is gently making out with and caressing the curly haired woman’s body just to the left of me.
She’s wearing this blue and white vertically striped button up shirt and she starts unbuttoning it herself, slightly revealing her surprisingly robust chest. After playing it cool for a bit, I reach out to awkwardly cop a feel and when I connect she looks incredibly uncomfortable. Hell, I’m not an orgy guy, why was I even pushing for this? The other instigator woman is on the right side of my wife and the purple haired woman who are getting increasingly hot and heavy. She’s with someone else over there but I can’t even tell if it’s another woman or man or otherwise.
Here’s where it gets funny. I now get a phone call and am called away on some seemingly random but pressing errand. This seems absolutely preposterous but as mentioned, I’m not entirely sure what I’m even supposed to be doing here and I almost figure that if I dart out for 10 minutes, then come back I’ll maybe be able to ease into more comfortably. Or maybe I just want my wife to go all in with her experimentation and think she’ll hold back if I’m around.
It's almost like I’m pulled out into some sort of busy shopping center area and I finish up whatever weird shit I needed to take care of but again, in hilarious fashion I actually go the extra mile to do the thing right. Like there was one aspect of this task that wasn’t even necessary but I just figured while I was thinking about it, I’d just knock it out.
When I do get back though, the thing is pretty much dead and even I don’t understand why. So that didn’t go great apparently. I only left for like 15 minutes and the two women that were to my left are passed out on level 1 of this 3 level bunk bed. My wife is naked in the middle bunk and I want to try to get the thing moving again if possible. I lay down next to her and start caressing her but she seems pretty drunk and out of it. Then I realize these 2 guys have creeped up on either side of her wanting to jerk off on her naked body while she’s passed out.
Ewww! I immediately shoo them off. Then she wants me to go kick them out, which I do, but not super angrily. They seem like totally normal dudes and I have zero clue what had been going on in there in the 15 minutes I was gone. Everyone seems completely spent and the purple haired woman who was seducing my wife is nowhere to be seen. I think the instigator woman I could only see from the back might still be getting it on with a mystery person in the top bunk.
Anyway, the only other thing I remember about this dream is that further down the road I’m telling this story to one of my bros and am incredibly WTF about it. Like, seriously, I somehow instigated a sexual fantasy I’ve had since I was a teenager and I just got up and left, right when it was starting. What the fuck is wrong with me? It just legit never occurred to me that the whole thing would be over in 15 minutes. Nobody even had their clothes off when I left. You live, you learn I suppose.
In an interesting way, I think the experience was a fairly convincing explanation for why I don’t have this fantasy in the waking world. Maybe a part of me does, but I sure as hell was OK taking that phone call and dashing out of there.
1/1/2024 –
Wouldn’t you know? Dreams where I’m for unexplained reasons back in my old basement apartment. Here the vibe is very much that even though this is technically our place and we hang out here sometimes, tons of other people, mostly younger scruffy looking kids also hang out here constantly. They just love hanging out here. I seem to have grown some sort of acceptance of this by this point. Whatever. We’re going to spend time here and a bunch of kids are too. Normally this is all my wife’s idea and she does show up eventually with the dogs. I know I have to grab my shit and head to our new place up the street though, which I keep working on doing.
The one difference in this situation is that as I’m walking up our old street, I’m now seeing that the road is gone and has being replaced with grass for urban farming. There are a bunch of mostly younger sort of hippie looking people out in the street getting their garden on and there’s def a communal feel to it. I get it. It’s making sense why these younger people are wanting to hang here.
After getting up and getting back under it’s the same thing. I’m now going through the stuff we’re leaving around here with my wife and I’m basically like:
“I’m totally cool with all these peeps hanging out here as long as I make sure I don’t have any valuables around.”
So I’m gathering all my expensive music gear up, which isn’t much. I was actually just talking about how few “valuables” I own with my wife the other day. I’m making sure I grab my Akai MPC and the thing is like a keytar version of an MPC i.e. elongated so I can strap it around my shoulder. This is fairly funny honestly. I want an MPC keytar.
One other thing. While sober meditating in the morning I have this odd vision of a singer who sings this angry music. This is represented by all these odd blue almost like video game icons in my consciousness. The plot is that the angry music guy wants to sing all melodic for a change. Basically my life and maybe a reminder that I should make more music with vocals. It’s been a while.
Also, while you're here, do you like psychedelic industrial noise rock? Of course you do!
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