4/24/2023 -
In this scenario I got roped into playing live music again, except it's this weird scenario where I'm on a bill but I'm not actually playing any music live. I'm sitting back by the sound guy playing a video of the new Hidden Extra Skull album while simultaneously playing the music very very loudly. I have some sort of knowledge that this wasn't my idea and I have no clue how I got roped into it but at first it's fun. It's an odd concept but it is mildly exciting to hear the music so loud. Those 808 hits are really booming through the bass cabinets.
As the show goes on though it's typical shit. I clearly got roped into the garbage headliner spot and there were maybe about 20 people there when the set first started and I come out at the end and it's only like 5, all of who I know personally and are only there to support me really, not because they actually give a fuck about the music. I can tell it's very late and my friends are clearly drunk, so I actually have the thought that, well, the club will be happy I brought a few people out and they drank a bunch at least. All of this is so familiar although it's been nearly a decade since I had this experience. I will say that I did catch the last few minutes of the video I made and honestly, it wasn't very good. I don't remember making it and I tried to sell myself on it, but it was decidedly meh. Some of the visuals synced with the music but it wasn't great art by my own admission.
The strange part comes when I leave the club. The promoter's standing there looking bored but there's this faint wind of sentient black mist blowing through the venue. That's what got me to play this gig. This odd psi force roped me into this crappy gig and I have no idea why.
Later in the night I have essentially the same super long dream twice. I'm hanging out on Capitol Hill and I need to get home, but I also have to stop by the DMV to renew my driver's license and the only way to do this is to go up to this remote facility way up in Lynnwood. On both occasions I find a friend downtown who also needs to accomplish this and tags along on the long bus ride up north. In one scenario, it's renewing my license. In the next, it's getting the latest voter pamphlet. Each time though, it involves going way out of our way to go up to this boring brown one story facility up north, and in both scenarios we agree that doing it right after work to get it over with is the easiest solution.
Again, these are both very long dreams and the main difference is that on the second trip, we don't even get the voter pamphlet we bused all the way up north to get for unexplained reasons. We come all the way back to the city and are now hanging out near the beach by my place instead. Except the beach is huge and craterous, filled with all these fossils. I'm not even sure what I'm doing here other than wasting time but I do in fact find a fossil of a skeletal 3 headed turtle chewing on the skull of regular turtle. I'm sort of bored by this adventure but I do have to admit:
"A fossilized 3 headed turtle biting the head of a regular turtle. Yep, you don't see that every day."
4/25/2023 -
First I'm in this liminal state. I'm in a classroom looking out at this multicolored floating entity that is me, except that I'm also locked into this body that's sitting in a classroom. In this state I know that I am actually the floating vibrantly colored energy being rather than the student sitting in the classroom, which is just something I'm temporarily pretending to be. Obviously. I can feel it while in this state and the inverse seems absurd. Typical shit.
Later in dreamville I'm going to the Dr. to get my prescription for my thyroid medication refilled but when the dude comes out he's clearly incompetent. The guy just has zero clue what he's doing and he's loading up this ridiculously large syringe with this crazy concoction of medicine which he's telling me involves B vitamins and my latest COVID booster. I keep trying to interrupt him and let him know that there must be some sort of misunderstanding but he keeps blowing me off. Finally I'm like:
"Look, I got my last COVID booster less than a year ago, I don't think I'm supposed to be getting another one so soon. The only reason I came in is because I needed my thyroid prescription renewed. That's it. That's the only reason I'm here."
He was apparently under the impression that I was severely depressed and was going to give me a giant shot to temporarily jar me out of this depression. Ahh, such a metaphor for modern medicine. I don't even care what the problem is, I'm just going to throw as many meds at it as possible.
Not long after I'm sleeping next to my wife and I wake up disturbed. She's clearly gotten up in the middle of the night which jarred me. When she comes back to bed she asks why I'm slightly agitated and I explain that I have a auto-immune disease and because of that I have a depressive personality. She then proceeds to go on the most insensitive tirade imaginable about how she thinks this is all just my choice and I'm choosing to you know, have a shitty auto-immune disease/mood disorder.
Ugh. Jesus Christ. Since it's autism awareness month, as a person who's married to someone on the spectrum and was raised by someone else on the spectrum, holy shit does it suck sometimes. The super duper insensitive shit my wife is saying is essentially no different than how she sometimes is in actual life. I have been dealing with a lot with my health/mental health over the last few years and I 100% have no one to talk to about it. My wife's autism renders her not only completely incapable of providing any sort of emotional support, talking to her about any sort of serious issue I'm having literally makes it worse. Not only does talking to her about anything that I'm struggling with not help, she actually exacerbates the problem with her utterly bizarre lack of empathy and often shocking insensitivity.
As I pull into a liminal state I'm sort of reminded that this is why I have to work through this stuff in dream states. Fair point I suppose. Being married to an autistic person is like spending most of your time with someone and being completely alone at the same time. My wife simply does not care about anything involving me because she's so wrapped up in her own world for the most part.
What's interesting though is that they're explaining to me that this is one of my classes in the Invisible College. I'm supposed to be learning about people who have this:
"Deficiency"
Their words. I'm also told that to be a human in the talking monkey shit show school, I have to be spending 18% of my time in class. Now what's funny is that I don't actually have to engage in these classes since I've already graduated. I can completely blow them off if I want, but I'm required to attend for whatever reason. It's a technicality. Hence the years of dreams about me blowing off classes that I was for some reason attending. This actually makes sense. If one of my classes was learning about autism, being married to an autistic person would certainly force me to at least show up in this class regularly.
Now I have a vision of this happy couple. It's the husband's birthday and the wife bought him the fancy pair of sneakers he had been talking about wanting as a surprise, in the exact colorway he wanted too. He's so excited.
Jesus. Absolutely brutal. I don't actually celebrate birthdays, you know why? My wife is essentially incapable of dealing with the concept of even one day a year that doesn't revolve around her. Honestly, she's completely incapable of any sort of romantic inclinations whatsoever. I could talk all day every day about a pair of shoes I really wanted and she would unintentionally tune it all out because it doesn't involve her. Look, I'm just being honest. It is autism awareness month and all. Shit ain't all roses.
Now I'm hanging out at a fancy pants small college for mostly the super rich. We're out on this sun drenched patio space in the mountains and I'm chatting with this student with short curly hair and glasses. She's explaining to me that the school is specifically set up so it's almost impossible to graduate in 4 years. This is massively fucked up but what she's telling me is that it's not even entirely a money gouge. Most of the students want to stick around for more than 4 years as a way to delay entering the real world. I must confess that this tracks with most of the grad students I've known in my life.
I start talking about how it's such a luxury for the super rich but the second I start saying this there's a realization. Some poor people attend as well and just rack up the student loans. The second I start mentioning this she's very concerned that I'm talking too loud because she doesn't want anyone else to hear that part although she completely agrees with me. That's about the end of the dream. I leave it thinking, hmmm, did I just need like one more freaking credit to get my grad degree at the Invisible College? Am I the idiot who's delaying his inevitable foray into adulthood? Probably.
After I get up I go to the grocery store like I do every Wednesday morning. On the way I realize that I've forgotten my reusable bags and think to myself:
"This is literally the first time I've spaced on this as far as I can remember."
When I get to the cashier that I talk to every Wednesday she immediately apologizes. Why? Because they're pretty much out of bags. All they have left are the paper ones with no handles. I'm actually sort of stunned because like, what are the odds? Even she finds this bizarrely synchronous as she can't remember me ever forgetting my reusable bags as well, nor can she remember them ever running out of bags with handles before. Just another day in the life.
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