2/17/2024 –
I’m hanging out in our university apartment with my wife. She has to go to the book store and I agree to head out with her. To get there we have to walk all the way around this huge football stadium though and it takes forever. The scenery’s kind of boring as well but honestly, it feels like we walk for over an hour in this rather bland environment between our apartment complex and the football stadium. When we finally get to the book store in the college town main street area I’m realizing I’m supposed to be working and I didn’t expect the walk to last the nearly 2 hours it has already. I need to get back to the apartment so I can work from home. Typical mild anxiety shit.
For most of the rest of the night in hypnagogia I’m being bombarded with this scenario where I’m wanting to get a group of friends together to do a table top gaming thing but again there’s the conflict with work. This looks like a brown text icon continually flashing in my mind’s eye. It seems like I’m getting around this conflict no problem though and we do continually get our tabletop gaming in.
Again, this goes on for hours. Also, I’ve maybe played a tabletop RPG once in my life and I didn’t like it.
Finally one more scenario. I’m hanging out in this white walled sitting room in a seemingly upscale house. Now I realize I’ve somehow summoned the most random woman from my past into this scenario. Just this girl who used to be an acquaintance when I was in high school and when I say I summoned her I mean that I found myself strangely thinking about her the night before. Why? I was explaining to my wife that even when I was in high school some women would date guys seemingly almost exclusively because their parents were rich and I always got the vibe that’s why she briefly dated one of my friends. She certainly seemed out of his league.
Anyway, we’re on opposite sides of the room when I’m all:
“OK, I was just thinking about you last night which is incredibly odd and it’d be too weird for me to be in the same room with you and not even chat. I honestly don’t know anything about you at this point because it’s been so long? Married? Kids? What do you do for a living? Etc.”
She agrees that it’d be awkward for us not to chat but rather than answering any of my superficial pleasantries she mentions that she’s a deeply spiritual person and that she takes her Russian Catholicism very seriously, to which I’m all:
“Oh, cool. I’m into spirituality too. I’ve written multiple books about it. Just you know, the weird stuff that turns you into a pariah.”
That’s literally what I tell her and she doesn’t seem to be phased so we continue to discuss spirituality in what feels like how I remember her parent’s house from 30 years ago. I do not know where the conversation goes from there but I will say that in writing this all down I’m realizing that I absolutely would know what this woman is up to in her life if I didn’t ditch my old Facebook account a decade ago. Why? Because I’m into the weird spiritual stuff that turns you into a pariah so I created an alternate account. Most Russian Catholics probably wouldn’t understand.
2/18/2024 –
I’m watching this arty black and white animation which involves this collective of people. One of them is this slightly cocky dude with white hair who insists he can summon omni-dimensional forms of intelligence into the greyscale cartoon realm they inhabit. It’s not like the rest of this collective doesn’t believe him, it’s just that they have their doubts. So the young magi guy’s all:
“Watch me. I’ll prove it.”
Then he retreats into this alternate realm marijuana sex trance sound enclosure away from the rest of the group. He’s tracking it in some concrete way outside of the trance they can monitor and they’re all just waiting for the results he promised. Of course, none of them thought this was actually going to work in the first place, it’s taking a while and they’re about to say I told you so when. Shit. Would you look at that? This odd translucent portal entity just materialized into our dimension summoned by his weed trance, exactly like he said it would.
For the next several hours I’m once again at a family gathering where I’m super annoyed that there’s nowhere to sleep. It’s the middle of the day though and everyone else is having fun. I’m being a downer and in this case I keep insisting that I have to work, even though it’s Saturday. I even think about it and know that I get Saturday’s off on some level but I just keep telling myself that I don’t have time for this “family therapy” stuff they keep pushing on me.
Eventually I do learn to just roll with it though, much like in the last variation of this scenario. We’re sitting down for a fancy meal but after eating for a while I realize it’s only sweets. This isn’t satisfying enough for me, especially because I have to work (or keep pretending I have to). Everyone else seems fine with the purely confectionary offering except myself and my Peruvian shaman brother, so we get up from the table looking for something more satisfying. The metaphor here is not difficult to understand.
I’m now shown how my family thinks he’s slow but he’s not. In a vision, his inner world is projected to me as a couple of exaggeratedly hyper-intensified vintage arcade Pitfall game machines expertly playing themselves. I can feel the message internally. He is one with the jungle in a way that westerners such as myself will never understand. Yet I understand the complexity and importance of this sort of intelligence in a way my family never will. This all tracks and I suppose I needed to see it myself honestly. Master of the Jungle. That’s what the vintage arcade game should be called.
2/19/2024 –
First I’m at the Invisible College. I’ve maybe attended one class. It’s tough to tell but while I’m thinking about possibly attending the second one I’m out. No fucking way. I don’t need to attend these classes so I’m bailing.
The next thing I know I’m waking up in my old room at our old place in Ohio. I get out of bed and start stretching with my shirt off when I realize there’s another younger woman in a sleeping bag right by the doorway to the bathroom. Because I’m stretching with my shirt off I’m initially a bit embarrassed by this woman’s presence so I start making awkward small talk as I’m putting on a shirt. In doing so I’m realizing how absolutely gorgeous this woman is. Very elfin looking honestly with pointed features wearing full on pastel blast glitter bang style makeup. Super short blonde hair and slightly plump in the most delicious of ways but also obviously way too young for me. I’d say 25 at the oldest. I’m continuing to make small talk partially because she’s so uniquely attractive but I do have to work from home.
I suppose she can stay in the room while I work but as we’re talking I’m realizing a party is breaking out. There are now like 15 other early 20’s looking people in the room drinking and looking to hang when I realize that fuck. I have to be the asshole. I have to be the buzzkill. So I’m all:
“OK, everybody out. I get it, I want to party too but I have to work from home today so y’all have to leave.”
Then I politely shoo them out. And I do have to go back to work today.
Also, while you're here, do you like psychedelic industrial noise rock? Of course you do!
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